I've been thinking a lot lately about how I have to be a certain person around certain people. That I have to live up to what people think of me, and I feel really limited by that. At the Falls, I felt like I had a fresh start with the people I was meeting and I took advantage of that and acted the way I wanted to act around them, and was the person I wanted to be around them...I liked who I was at school. Now it is summer and I am seeing friends who I have not seen for quite some time, and it is almost as if I instantaneously reverted back to my old self, a version of myself I had no problem leaving in high school.
This is really frustrating.
In the fall I leave for Western Washington University and I think it will be another chance at a fresh start for me, I know a lot of people there so it won't be a completely clean slate, but nonetheless it will be a great chance for me to be who I want to be. And this is all fine and good enough, but when has "good enough" really been, good enough.
Its not.
It never has been.
I don't want to spend my summer reverting back to a person I'm not happy being. I can't spend my life waiting for another chance at a fresh start. I need to be who I want to be today.
Here in lies my dilemma.
How do I live the way I want to live, the way God is calling me to live, today instead of waiting for September to make things a little easier? How do I convince people that I've changed and that I am not the person that they are expecting to find when they come home for summer? More importantly, how do I stop worrying about what people think of me and start loving them the way Christ is calling me to love them? Because at the end of the day, that is what I want to be doing more than anything else.
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